I was a geek in high school. People wouldn’t believe that about me now. I had a couple friends and I certainly didn’t have any boyfriends. I wore glasses and I was terribly shy. I could barely even think about talking about a boy let alone kissing one. I thought I was always going to be that shy little girl. But I’ve changed a lot. Much of my confidence has come from being a dancer at Rhode Island Dolls in Woonsocket, RI.
I had changed a lot before I started dancing here. I lost weight and took up running. I learned how to do my hair and makeup. I made a few friends and even had a couple boyfriends. But I was still shy.
Then I discovered that as a dancer at RI Dolls, I could be anyone I wanted to be. And that boosted my confidence so much!
One of the more experienced dancers tuned me in to the fact that I didn’t have to be me on this job. I could be anyone I wanted. I started experimenting with that.
Since I always wanted to be a cheerleader in high school, that was one of the first personas that I took on. I got myself a cute little cheerleader outfit and started wearing it around the house. I liked the way it looked so I took it to the stage. At first I was nervous. I felt like a fraud. But then I realized that the customers loved it! I got so much attention from the customers after that. And I started acting like the cheerleaders. I flirted mercilessly. I let my hips sway as I walked. I acted like I was the hottest thing on the floor.
Amazingly, that filled me with confidence. When I acted like the head cheerleader, I felt like her. I felt like every eye in the room was on me. I felt like all the girls wanted to be me. I felt like all the men wanted to be with me. It was a real ego boost and it made my confidence grow. The cheerleader is still one of my favorite outfits.
But then I thought, who else could I be? I thought about all the sexy women that I had ever wanted to be. I remembered watching this movie once about an international spy and she always looked amazing. I bought myself a long dark wig like hers, a sexy, skin tight outfit, thigh high boots, a trench coat, and dark glasses.
I didn’t expect that to make me feel as good as the cheerleader but it did. I felt like a different person. I learned to walk with her confidence. I practiced peering over the top of my sunglasses like I was the most important person in the room.
Since then I’ve tried other different personalities. I’ve been a dominatrix and a cowgirl and a southern belle and a super in control business woman. Each of these personalities have something that I never felt I had as a younger woman. They have strength. They have sexieness. They have power. And they make me discover those elements in myself.
My confidence soared. I tried on more personalities. Some of them I didn’t like as much but many of them have become part of my regular routines. These personas are more than just outfits that I wear for the stage. I become each of these personas when I put the clothes and accessories on.
Most of the time, in my day to day life, I’m still just me. I look pretty average if you see me on the street. But even in my everyday clothes, I have more confidence. I feel sexier. I know I look great and I feel great too.
And any time I want to have a little fun and just be someone else, I pull out one of my personas or I create a new one and become someone else for the night. I can discover different aspects of my personality. I can experiment and find out what I like and don’t like. They make me feel differently and they give me so much confidence.
Other dancers and other women in my life ask me all the time, “Where do you get your self-confidence?”
It’s come from stripping and becoming different people every night. And I love it.